Wings
by Hollyquin
Summary: Colette reflects on her transformation, and on the love she's about to lose. ColLloyd. Oneshot.


[[Holly: It appears I've finally escaped my muses. Probably for the best. Anyway, I decided to write a little oneshot in the midst of all the longer stories I've started. I've been playing this game nonstop lately and I was just...inspired by Colette's ordeal. So-

Near: HOLLY! MELLO STOLE MY PUZZLE PIECES!

Holly: T_T

Mello: :3

Holly: Yeah. Enjoy.]]

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--Colette's POV--

Wings. You see the birds flying above your heads, on white wings, making their way into the clouds, towards the sun. The little insects on the ground, their wings so tiny, transparent, yet they lift their owners bodies up, and away. The butterflies, so beautiful, so many colors, like the flowers that they perch upon. The angels, majestic, winging their way to the heavens above, the saviors of our time, the only hope that our world has left...

...And then there is me.

I wonder about my transformation. Too clumsy to walk, so I am given wings. Too needy to save the world, so I learn to live without sleep or food. Too fragile to journey, so I no longer feel pain.

I'm too useless to live. And so, I must die.

Those things on my back don't feel real and likely never will. Iridescent, rainbow, as thin as to be nothing at all. An illusion, it seems, except for the power of flight that I've obtained. They're beautiful. You told me so, and I always believe you. But that hasn't solved what they should have. I'm still clumsy. I still fall...

I'm still needy. I'm still fragile.

I'm still useless.

The time of reckoning is upon us. Genis is excitable, Raine and Kratos practical. Only he seems hesitant. Only he knows how inhuman I am, how little is left of the honest me. The little clumsy blonde girl from Iselia is gone, forever.

But he's still here.

I'll never understand why.

I'm so tired. Not in a way anyone else could understand, as I can't solve the problem with sleep. It's more of the weariness of those that have lived much longer than I have. An adult sort of weariness. Perhaps I have been forced to grow up by circumstance. I suppose that makes sense.

All I want is to save the world. That's the only reason I was born. The only reason I exist at all. Is it selfish, then, to wish that I could have a life to live? To fall in love, have children, grow old? I can see it all before my eyes, as though it already happened and is only a distant memory. I see him smiling at me, his face reflected in my son's face. My son. The one who I'll never have...

I hate how much I've been moping, lately. I hate that I can't hold strong, as is required of me, strong enough to smile through the pain and let my soul dissipate into nothing. To save the world. I do smile, as much as I can. I don't want anyone else to share this. This is my suffering. That is how it was meant to be.

I can't stand the way he looks at me. Like he's shouldering my burden. How does he do it? I wonder why it's me who has the iridescent wings sprouting from my back, and not him. He's so strong. He's trying, so hard. He wants to help me...I wish I could help him.

So many people never learn what love is. I'm glad you taught me that, at least...

I can fly now. That's something no one else can say, at least. I can fly, like a bird, or an insect or a butterfly. Or an angel. I'm not an angel, but I'm not human, either. I can fly like no human can. But I'm not like the birds or the insects or the butterflies, because I'm not free.

I miss my father. Is he worried about me? He knows my destiny, knows that I will never come home. I cannot return home after what happened to Iselia. I cannot return home without having saved the world. But I cannot save the world and then return home...

It's a curse, you might say. Being the Chosen One, I mean. But I can't think of it that way. I can't be that selfish. I can't choose myself over the world. I was born for this. I must live for this...

Why can't I be selfish?

Because I am an angel.

But I'm not an angel...

I'm a human.

A human with angel wings...

He doesn't think I'm selfish. He thinks I'm so brave. I don't deserve his praise. I can't believe the last things I'll hear and see in this world are his voice, his face...I can't believe I'm that lucky.

I am lucky, aren't I? I've fallen in love. I get to fly...

Trivial things, compared to my soul, you'd think. Flying isn't all it's cracked up to be, especially when you remember just why you have wings.

Love...I'd trade my soul for love any day.

Love is more like flying than flying could ever be.

I guess no one else could understand that. I can't relate my feelings very well. That's fine, since I can no longer speak, either. The last sign of my weakness is gone. I'm that much closer to becoming an angel- to becoming nothing, to becoming a shell. That's what an angel is.

Beautiful. But hollow.

I must continue forward. I will be strong, or at least I'll pretend. I'll be the strong, silent type, but only because I have no choice. He seems to be expressing my emotions, for me, as though he's reading my mind. Like we have a connection that transcends convention. Like we're in love.

I walk, still. I don't need to, but I do. I don't let the signs of my transformation show. I want to pretend that I'm still human. So, I walk. I try to eat, sometimes. I pretend to sleep. I speak with smiles, hand motions, drawing letters on his palm. The closeness would make me blush, if only I still could.

I wish I could feel the warmth of his hands.

They say that I'm too perfect to be human. Too kind, too loving, too forgiving, too incapable of hatred. I don't understand that. I've never understood why some humans are so unkind, afraid to love, unforgiving...full of hate. Is that all that makes me an angel? All I am is in love with this world in which I'm living.

I wish I didn't have to leave.

The time. It's here. The tower touches the sky, like I could, if I'd just spread my wings.

Genis is excitable, Raine and Kratos practical.

Only he seems hesitant.

My father awaits. My father, he says. I don't believe him. I don't trust an angel. Does that make me a sinner? I wonder, but it's too late, and it's time to say goodbye.

The world that surrounds me. Sylvarant. My home. Goodbye...

Genis, Raine, Kratos. Thank you. Thank you, for everything.

I unfurl my wings for what might be the last time. I look into the eyes of the angel. I turn and look into the eyes of my angel.

Lloyd...

Do you still...

Do you think my wings are...

...Beautiful?

* * *

Holly: R&R! Or I'll chew on Near's car, put the pieces in L's coffee, and blame it on Mello.

Mello: WHAT.

Near: DON'T EAT MY CAR. 3:


End file.
